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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Foot in Each World

As you know if you've been reading this thing for any time, I sort of live a double life. My home is a cute bungalow in a subdivision, in a not-so-small town north of the big city of Toronto. I have a big yard with a brand new barn-shaped shed, some pretty flower gardens, and the best neighbours anybody could hope to have. A few years ago, when looking for a riding coach, I found the Little Valley, where I got my instructor training, as well as making a new and valued friend. But I have a strong attachment to the place I grew up. My parents still live on the old family homestead, as do my two horses. My husband's parents live in town, less than five minutes away. My sister lives in that same smallish town. And my sister-in-law and her family live in the next city, about fifteen minutes from there.

I have dear friends out there and I don't see enough of them. I go to church near there, but I'm not there often enough.

We are the only ones up here in the shadow of the Big City, thanks to the music biz. While I love my neighbourhood, I crave the country, I miss my mom and dad (Yes I know I'm 38 but they're really cool people and you'd want to see them too if they were yours) and I need to get out there regularly.

It's hard to explain to people who don't have that need for the wideness of the sky.

It's hard to explain to people who don't have that strong family connection.

It can be hard to explain that roots run deep.

Honestly, my little patch of suburbia is heavenly. I'm sitting on my deck right now, listening to birds singing away and bugs and my crazy pug barking at shadows. I always said if I had to live in town, it's gotta be here.

But I really love being in the country. I just love it. I feel right when I'm out there. I feel like I can breathe.

The barn at the family farm has names and dates written in the cement. Most of them are relatives of mine.

I have a goal. My husband and I share that goal. We want a farm of our own. We want room for the horses to graze, places to train and trail ride, and drive a 4 wheeler. We want a John Deere tractor to do work type stuff. I want a couple of chickens and a big vegetable garden. Room for friends to stay the weekend.

We want a recording studio in a barn, man!

We know what we want and that getting it won't be an instant step, but a continuation of the steps already taken. We also know that the next year will be really different from the last twelve. This is not going like we expected it would. I always pictured breaking the news of our departure to our friends in town by showing them pictures of our new farm and telling them we're getting what we've always wanted. That'll have to wait just a little longer.


We moved into this house almost exactly twelve years ago, and now more than ever, we've got a foot in each world.

I'm not gone yet... but I'm leaving.

14 comments:

mugwump said...

I have spent my life with a foot in both worlds.I dreamed of riding like a cowboy as a child in Chicago. No National Velvet for me, I was Roy Rogers all the way. I became a suburban mom and a cowhorse trainer.
Now I'm a middle aged small town newspaper writer, still in the burbs.
My horses are scattered and in the care of others. I hate it.
I'm a cowgirl at heart.
Sometimes life has a funny way of keeping me in balance.

Heidi the Hick said...

Yeah, Mugwump, life is funny eh?

We kind of never imagine where we'll end up.

Coffeypot said...

Maybe one day you will hit the lottery and you can live in both worlds comfortably. Given the choice, I would live in the country, too. They have Waffle Houses in the country, don't they?

Brit said...

Good luck Heidi! I wish you and yours all the best in this transition!

JKB said...

I have the same feeling a lot. I miss wide open sky.

You're doing the right thing, man. Don't stop til it's over.

XoXo

hayseed said...

Heidi,tnat's exciting! I understand some of your feelings, because it seems the older I get, the more 'bittersweet' large changes seem to be-and leaving a home your children have grown in for so long, and good friends and neighbours...difficult. As someone who lives in the country, I understand completely the call of 'the boonies', and I wouldn't change it for the world (except maybe in January, February, and March!).

RuckusButt said...

I thought your post from the other day might have something to do with this. Takes some patience, huh? Tori Amos has a recording studio in a barn at home in Cornwall, England...just sayin'

mommyrides said...

I just moved to the country from a city of close to one million, and we lived in a central part. Had an acre, but still.... I grew up in the country just like you, dreaming I was an Indian princess who rode a painted pony, found my birth mom and turns out I'm 1/4 Mohawk, life is pretty darn strange sometimes. Now I live on almost 3 acres but it's country acres and I'm so close to owning my own horses and having them at my own place I can almost smell them out in my front yard!!! Keep the faith girlfriend, God hears the prayers of our hearts, even big girls who still pray to have their own ponies!!!!

mommyrides said...

I just moved to the country from a city of close to one million, and we lived in a central part. Had an acre, but still.... I grew up in the country just like you, dreaming I was an Indian princess who rode a painted pony, found my birth mom and turns out I'm 1/4 Mohawk, life is pretty darn strange sometimes. Now I live on almost 3 acres but it's country acres and I'm so close to owning my own horses and having them at my own place I can almost smell them out in my front yard!!! Keep the faith girlfriend, God hears the prayers of our hearts, even big girls who still pray to have their own ponies!!!!

jules said...

I always wanted to live on a farm with a horse. Now...I live on the water with a Husband. I think I got the better world.

Kimber said...

Dreams can come true - I'm living proof. Hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Biddie said...

Ok, you know where I stand on this issue. I am incredibly, selfishly, happy that you will be close again. (You know, it's all about me, lol)
No more long distance! Girls day out!
Kim is right you know..Dreams do come true, sometimes it just takes a little longer than we think...

pseudosu said...

Good luck. I really believe setting goals helps to make them happen. you'll get there. And in the meantime I know you know contentment isn't a geographical location. Take care of each other. :)

dilling said...

we're halfway somewhere ourselves right now...