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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Things That Sometimes Happen To Me

All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have been different in seemingly insignificant ways.

I attract freaks, weirdos, crazies, creeps, eccentrics, innocents, lonelies, strays, and waywards. Most of the time, I like it. I relate to the slightly off centre people of the world. Sometimes, sadly, it's just too much. There have been incidents when I've wondered why it has to be me, and why some people just think I'm a target for their troubles. They don't know, of course, that I've been caused any discomfort, or at least that's what I've told myself for consolation. Forgive them, Lord. That sort of thing. Because my hero Jesus took the time to talk to lepers. That's why. That's why I give the odd ones a bit of my time, even if it's grudgingly or even reluctantly. When I come across an oddity who is delightfully weird, I get a fleeting happiness that can't be found anywhere else.

Today I was trying to buy plants when the man behind me, in an accent I couldn't quite place, started talking about how old he's getting. "I'm 65 but I only look 40!"

Even though he'd been chatting with the cashier before I got there, I had a feeling I was supposed to turn around and acknowledge him. He wasn't just talking to the cashier. He was short, not much taller than me, stocky, with tan skin and black hair with just a few grey streaks. He grinned. He was nowhere near sixty five. I smiled back and debated telling him that I'm thirty-six. It always freaks people out when I tell them how old I am. They always guess me about ten years younger. Instead I just chuckled and replied that I sometimes feel a lot older than I am.

He arched an eyebrow at me but kept on smiling. Knowingly, conspiratorially, he confided, "I had severe depression."

I'm standing there with my wallet open, paying for my citronella plant, and the world kind of shifted for a second. Why, why why why, does this happen to me? What kind of changes to the wind currents the sub-oceanic plates or the flapping of a butterfly's wings keeps dragging me into these scenes? Why me?

Why not me? Me, who has always known that not everybody thinks like I do, but that some do, and I'll find them. Or they'll find me...

I looked at the man. I smiled tight lipped, closed mouthed, and big eyed. I nodded my head. "Me too."

His eyes opened wide. He didn't expect this? He tells me this, but didn't expect my reply? I nodded again. I reached for my plant. "I'm feeling much better now."

"I was medicated," he said.

"Me too." I pulled my bag up onto my shoulder and cradled the plant with two hands. "You can survive. It doesn't have to destroy you." I talked quietly but I wasn't embarrassed that the cashier was listening to this bizarre exchange.

"Music," he said, "music really helps."

"Yes. And comedies. Watch a lot of comedies," and the cashier was attentive too, "listen to stand up comedians..."

"Yes, laughter," he replied, "you have to make yourself laugh."

"You do," I agreed. "You can survive."

I smiled again and felt like I had to make my exit. As I was turning to go he asked me, "You know what my son does for a living? He's a psychologist."

I laughed. "Lucky you!" I said and walked away.

I got into the truck and wondered what the hell that was all about.

I don't feel that I imparted any great earth shattering wisdom.

Did it change anything? Totally random?

Pure coincidence that this happens to me two days after my husband and I have a long deep conversation about communicating through writing, and that we've all read things that have changed us even if it was a tiny barely perceptible change, and that I could do that, I could reach people... and not even know it.

(I got some blogger awards. Like, three in the last week. I never win stuff but these little awards mean more to me than you could know...because you're reading and listening. Thank you. I mean it. Even if you might be a little on the odd side of normal. I thank you!!)

As I get older and less tolerant and more protective of my privacy and my sensitivity, I find myself avoiding the discomfort of unwanted attention. When I was young I didn't know how to fend it off and I got hurt sometimes by it. But I know it'll keep happening. It always has. I just hope that these encounters will be more like the one today. Small. Weird. Random. Possibly meaningless. Temporarily memorable.

And that was right heavy for a day on which I planned to tell you about the feed bin in my horse's stall.

To make up for it here are some unrelated pictures -really random and purely frivolous.







..or are they?

22 comments:

coffeypot said...

Sweetie, I am one of those freaks, weirdoes, crazies, creeps, eccentrics, innocents, loneliest, strays and waywards, and I, for one, am glad you take the time to listen to me. I, too, have been on meds and through therapy, but luckily I survived that. And Jethro is right. We all touch people in the slightest of ways. With any interaction we have with one another has made a small difference in that person’s life – as well as yours. Mostly it is very positive with some negative thrown it for balance. Your writing is a very positive means of reaching people, even if you are being bitchy or complaining. It’s just that you are giving of yourself and others are reacting. Like when I do that, most people are running and screaming as the fall over furniture and dodge cars as they try to get away. But I gave. You did the right thing by talking TO the guy – not DOWN or AT him. You are good at heart. Maybe I can learn something from you.

Heidi the Hick said...

You are a wise fella.

Whether you know it or not.

Whether you like it or not!!

(thanks.)

dilling said...

sometimes the tiniest connections mean the most to people...you don't know what you might have meant to him...maybe it was the first time he said those words out loud...and you helped.

Heidi the Hick said...

kinda gives me the shakes.

Anissa said...

You're such a sweetie. :)

And I LOVE the picture of your horse's eye. Love it. A lot.

coffeypot said...

Wise Ass maybe!

seaside1 said...

Oh, thank goodness this sort of thing happens to other people. I think it's some sort of energy that swirls around us. That man felt he could talk to you and you may never know how much it meant. I don't think the conversation I had the other day means much...
Lady: Hiiiiiii!
Me: Hi.
Lady: You're not her, are you?
Me: I don't think so.
Lady: Me neither. (Walks away)
I never did find out who I was supposed to be...
Barb

DINK said...

YES YES IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME TOO, AND I WONDER IF IT WILL OR HAS CHANGED ANYTHING. IT`S A REALLY COOL THING FOR ME CUZ I LIKE THE ODD ONES...I AM ONE! I LOVE YOUR BLOG CHIC. BTW SORRY I HAVEN`T BEEN AROUND IN A WHILE ....JUST GET ALL CAUGHT UP IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD SOMETIMES AND IT`S NO FUN IN THERE BUT I SEEM TO STAY FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE...SOMETIMES! GREAT POST HEIDI AND NICE PICS AS WELL.

her indoors said...

there are more of us out there who have been or are on medication, and it helps to know that we can, will and do survive.
you too are very wise Heidi x

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh...

What a relief!!!!

Thank you my odd and delightful buddies for leaving these comments!!!

Timmy said...

I am constantly having the same wierd things happen to me too.

CindyDianne said...

That was weird?

Heidi the Hick said...

Exactly

cadbury_vw said...

my guess is that the guy who talked to you is still recovering

he could sense you would understand

something behind your eyes, would be my guess

Biddie said...

At 1st, I thought that you were writing about me, and i was going to apologize.
Then,I realized, that you couldn't have been, cuz I wasn't buying any plants the other day....
Now, because my brain snapped, and isn't quite back where it should be, I am having a giggle fit...Sorry.
They do tend to find you, butthey find me, too, if it makes you feels any better...
(still laughing, I really suck as a friend today, sorry)
SIGHHH.....
Seriously, tho, WHY, do people dump this stuff on you? On me? On anyone? Why, why, WHY????
Sigh.....

Tod said...

I was once standing in a hospital lobby and a crazy old man being led through by his family pointed at me and began to scream. It felt like the WHOLE hospital stopped to watch and wonder what I had done to him.

Heidi the Hick said...

Biddie do not ever apologize for being freaky and weird!!

Tod...that's heavy!

LadyBronco said...

Heidi,

You made a difference to that man, and it may seem insignificant and weird, but it is so totally cool that you take the time to acknowledge others around you.

Think about it. How many times do you see stuff happening, and people are just standing there like they see and/or hear nothing? It takes a very strong and intuitive person to have the courage to acknowledge what others ignore.

Brava, ma'am, and good for you!

Heidi the Hick said...

Thank you Rebecca.

I admit that I don't always feel that I have a choice, when it comes to the intuition.

But when I feel like something good just went down...it's okay!

Therese said...

I named you for that REFLECTIVE award, but as much as that, you're RECEPTIVE. People see that in you.

LeRoy Dissing said...

Hey...if you attract freaks, weirdos, crazies, creeps, eccentrics, innocoents, lonelies, strays and waywards....hmmmmm...what does that make us? We are attracted to you...hmmmmm....I ain't saying!

Heidi the Hick said...

Yeah that's likely WHY I like all you guys!!