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Friday, October 07, 2005

hick, yokel, redneck: smarten up and get it right!

I'm generally against labelling people because I think it's kind of limiting. But sometimes you need to identify with something.

I'm totally cool with being called a hick, because I know that I am. I do get irritated if I get called a redneck though, not that I have anything against rednecks personally, I'm just not one. So let's get it all straight before we go pinning names on people.

Keep in mind this is MY VERSION and you're allowed to have your own, just not necessarily tell me about it.

REDNECK- ready for anything, don't mess with kind of attitude, drink, hunt, fish, firearms are permissible, offroading, make some noise, refreshing lack of care when it comes to the opinions of others. I believe this term came about from guys working outside with the sun beating down on their backs. For more info, listen to Gretchen Wilson; she appears to be the expert.

HICK- lives out in the sticks, or at least away from the limits of any kind of urban settlement, feels insecure, or lost, or bewildered, or perhaps frustrated and angered when visiting larger urban areas. Very comfortable surrounded by fields, trees, critter. By necessity rather self sufficient. Possible mistrust of urbanites. Often disapproval of urban life. Hicks can be educated and intelligent; however many will forego higher education because they just can't deal with all the damn stupid people hanging around everywhere at school. ALSO KNOWN AS: country bumpkin

YOKEL- either of the above except for complete lack of knowledge as to how the rest of the world is, as well as complete lack of care for finding out. Come to think of it, there are a few of those in the big cities too, only I think they're called yuppies.

RURAL HIPPY- at some point dropped out of the rat race in order to live off the land, garden organically, can large quantities of produce, build their own furniture out of willow branches and keep that old VW camper van patched up. Some still smoke that funny stuff but I wouldn't know cos that's not my scene.

FARMER- let's not ever hear you making fun of this group...unless you decide to kick that nasty little EATING habit you've been clinging to your whole life.

YOUR GRANDPARENTS- let's lay off of them too. They worked hard. Let them enjoy it.

OLD ORDER AMISH & MENNONITE- don't you ever make fun of these people because if you do you will automatically go to hell. (they, however, are allowed to make fun of you. Don't whine, that's just the way it is.)

COUNTRY ESTATE OWNER- bad bad bad. If there have to be chemicals sprayed all over the land, let it be to kill weeds that would choke out crops, NOT so that Victoria and Davis can have a perfect green carpet for a lawn. Let's not ever see another paved driveway coming off a dirt road. Let's not ever again hear complaints from the Stuffingtons about the bad smells from the shitspreader. Deal or move back to Oakville. Somebody should tell these people that the country does not smell like fabric softener before they hire the builders. Save us all a lot of grief.

If I've offended anybody, well, I didn't intend to and I apologize, but I also respectfully suggest that you get over it. Worry about more important things, like being polite to people and saving your money.

The Big Guy and I are taking the kids to see Audioslave tonight. So yes, I will have to venture out into the big city and deal with traffic jams and humans, however, the result is me waving my arms in the air, screaming, and grinning. So it'll be awright. The other night we double dated with his parents to see the Opera. I gotta say it was some amazing entertainment, but what a different world from the one I live in. But that's another day's topic...

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